Friday, January 25

Introducing ...

the Composer.
Born Tuesday at 8:25 pm. All are healthy and tired.

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Monday, January 21


Doctor said, baby and fluid levels look good today.
Come back tomorrow ...

(37 weeks +1 day by the doctor's count)

Saturday, January 19


The crib is ready in the corner of our room. The tiniest baby clothes are washed and in the dresser, next to the blankets and sheets and burp cloths. The next size clothes are easily accessible in a bin under the dresser. The baby slings (three different kinds) have been located and cleaned and are ready for use. The hospital will provide the infant car seat. My suitcase is packed. We've been reading to the boys about babies. Friends and family are on call.

But ... nesting is not resting.

Low amniotic fluids, baby too young, IV hydration. Induction if the fluid levels don't come up.

Was it all the racing around to get everything ready that caused amniotic fluid levels to drop? Or am I nesting because I sense the baby is getting ready to come?

The path of modern medicine is precaution.

My path now is to rest, and listen to my body. When I am thirsty, drink.

Written Thursday in the hospital with an IV in one arm. Fluid levels went up to doctor's satisfaction. I see her again on Monday, for another check.

Thursday, January 10

Who am I?

I am much more than my job, my career. I am also more than mom. I am many things, simultaneously, and serially. I am a work in progress. I am me.

Playing with paint.

Tuesday, January 8

New Routine

I guess I'm going to have to find one - at least, that is, if I ever want to get to the computer.

The schedule we have (and which I have been a part of since yesterday) is very nice, in some ways. I get to spend one-on-one time with the Inventor in the morning while the Painter is in school, and then switch after lunch, while the Inventor has his nap.

Right now, I am practicing presence. I am enjoying watching my boys and playing with them, reading with them, and exploring the world. We have been talking a lot about the baby, who is expected to arrive now in about a month. I am trying to tune into the boys as well. The Painter seems to be excited about the arrival of the baby, wants to talk to him, feel him move, and ask lots of questions we had no idea we would need to answer for many more years. (But how does the baby get out of your tummy? How did the baby get *in* your tummy?). The Inventor, on the other hand, shows some interest, but also some apprehension. He hasn't been through this before, and it seems he is concerned about losing mommy. So I am trying to give him extra attention, reassurance, and cuddling.

I'm also listening to my body. The more I pay attention, the more I realize what a good thing it is not to be working right now. Yesterday I felt pretty good, so we did some projects and went to the library. I felt some contractions (not painful), reminding me to drink more water. Today I was tired, so I rested a lot, and let the boys play around me.

AD asked me yesterday: "So, do you miss engineering yet?" No, I don't. I have been enjoying my time off, the holidays, and time with my family - the boys, AD, and my parents, while they were visiting last week.

But back to routine. I know I will begin to think I do nothing but laundry, as that is one feeling I distinctly remember from the last time I wasn't working. And another I remember is that while I need not schedule everything strictly, if I have some ideas in mind of what I'd like to do, I am less likely to feel like I am doing nothing.

Of course, when the next one arrives, any routine aside from sleep, change, and eat will go out the window. And, that will be okay. But if I can figure out how to give myself some time now - for writing, blogging, painting, reading, whatever - I am more likely to be able to continue to give myself some time next month.

So, this being my first post of the new year, I resolve to give myself time for whatever it is I need to be me.