Last spring, AD started working with a career coach. After about a month, as part of the process, the coach asked to have a joint session with me. He asked me to name three people I admire, who could serve as role models for my life. I named my mother and father, and he suggested that I name the third person from outside my family. Quick, the first person that comes to your mind. ("The first thing that comes to your mind" seemed to be one of his favorite phrases.)
Me: Okay. Madeleine Albright.
Why I thought of Madeleine Albright, I don't really know. In fact, I don't really know much about her, at all, except that she was the first woman who held the position of U.S. Secretary of State. I also imagine that she is a strong woman, and I have heard that she attained this powerful position after raising a family.
So then the coach asked me another on-the-spot question of the sort I'd rather avoid: "If you could talk to Madeleine Albright right now, what would she tell you?" (Quick, the first thing that comes to your mind.)
Me: "You don't have to choose."
Coach: "What don't you want to choose?"
Me: "Between work and my family."
~~~~~
(In response to your comments on my previous post.)
Decisions have always been difficult for me. When I took this job (only a little more than a year ago), I thought about it for nearly a month before deciding not to take it, and subsequently changing my mind in light of a change in circumstances. Now, I've been deliberating on the choice to leave the same job for more than six months. I feel sometimes like I am a daisy being picked "now she loves her job, now she doesn't, now she stays at work, now she quits."
I have made my choice, but it is very difficult for me to admit that. Perhaps I am waiting for circumstances to change, or for February, or for the last reservations to fall away. Perhaps I am still waiting for certainty.
I know that I am following my heart. I know that when I choose to leave, I can also choose to return. I know that nothing is forever. But living with that knowledge and accepting it is a daily challenge for me.
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5 comments:
Of course it is a challenge for all of us. It is the basis for all quests: to resolve uncertainty.
I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. You remind me, though, that I owe myself a chautauqua.
And, I suppose, you could say our quest to find a new place to live is also about resolving uncertainty. Our goal is to find somewhere we can afford to stay put for at least three years while we follow our dreams (whatever they may be). Knowing that we plan to stay somewhere for three years (even if circumstances conspire to alter our plans) would be a great comfort.
Wow. You wrote this so eloquently.
There is just a tension and I'm beginning to wonder if it is even meant to be resolved.
Maybe it is part of following our dreams.
Bella, I suspect you are right.
On the road less traveled, no doubt the grass grows through the uneven pavement, thorn bushes and poison ivy encroach from the edges, and on occasion the path will be difficult to find. How could we not then have reservations about straying from the well-formed roads?
But it is just such a path where we can find the wildflowers growing in the wilderness, the berries among the thorns and feel how the grass softens the way for our tired feet.
I don't suppose anyone promised that following our dreams would be easy.
Yes, I agree that it's very hard to make decisions. Once more it seems our families are in pretty similar circumstances. I hope things get sorted out fairly soon for you and for us!
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