Even though I don't claim the moniker "control freak" nor even pass as one most of the time, I do like to feel in control of major life decisions. Rolling down the hill inside a hamster ball put me out of sorts, until my loving AD explained that I was really on skis, and could stop any time I like, even climb back up the hill with a bit of effort.
That is, he told me (paraphrased) "If you want to go back to work, go back to work. So, we have a house [halfway across the country]. It will be ready for us when we are ready to go. If you want to work part-time, work part-time. If you want to go back for a while to see if it will work, go back for a while." If this version of the future doesn't work for you, try on another one.
Oh. Freedom. I am still free. I can stop the ball, or the skis. I can return to my job either full or part-time. I can try to pick up contract work. I can try to pick up other kinds of work. We can stay here another couple months while I decide. We can go right away, and live off savings, and I can spend my days with my boys and exploring how I'd like to live the rest of my life. Oh. I get it.
Remind me, now, what was I afraid of?
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Compass
Live each day as though it were your first, with the wide-open, wondering eyes of a child.
What is success?
The Road Not Taken
Be yourself
What is success?
The Road Not Taken
Be yourself
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The Adventurers
- Articulate Dad (AD): my wonderful husband, friend, and life partner for more than ten years
- The Painter (R): Son #1, born 2002, curious, creative, sensitive
- The Inventor (E): Son #2, born 2004, active, affectionate, imaginitive
- The Composer (V): Son #3, born 2008, delightful, mischevious; I'm in love again.
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3 comments:
Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.
Freedom. That's the scariest thing of all. We're all afraid of it, and so we build an imaginary confinement within which to pound and pace. In my tradition, we call it "The Gateless Gate."
Wow, that freedom sounds GREAT to me! AS does some skiing (I've only skied once in my life for two days and I loved it -- although the stopping part is still tricky for me, as it is while ice-skating or roller blading -- I guess I'm just the "keep going" type, and not the "stopping" kind of person ;-).
I hope you can figure out in the incoming months what it is that you'd like to do with your life, my friend. It's still a bit scary (at least for me), having to make such a momentous decision, but it's a good thing that you have options, all kinds of options open for you!!
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